We have everything besides happiness
Q. I have been married for 3years Alhamdulillah we have everything except one thing. I am not happy and can't find the happiness with my husband. We have had our ups and downs more especially because he used to take drugs socially and like to go partying etc for much of the 2 and a half years, which left me alone at night until early hours of the morning. He was recently arrested at a friends place for dealing even though he denied everything. My question was what kind of friend was this. Honestly Moulana I feel I have lost that love and respect and am finding it extremely difficult being happy and believing in this man as my husband. Is being unhappy a legitimate enough reason the separate in order to evaluate how we feel and whether we really want to still be in the relationship? I know he does but I am not sure. Please advise. May Allahreward you. Jazakallah,
1.) It is always sad to read of marital problems, and unfortunately, saying that marital problems escalate with each passing day, is no understatement but very much a reality.
2.) Firstly, it is generally 'standard procedure' that parents find out about the person that is interested in marrying their daughter - his lifestyle, his friends, his habits; even his past is sometimes dug up just to make sure if the person is good or bad for their daughter. So drugs and partying does not seem to have been introduced to your husband with marriage - rather it seems to have been a habit from before. ...was such 'investigation' done before marriage ?
3.) You should read the book : 'Kicking the Habit' which will be found on this website. Read it and encourage your husband to also read it (when inhis right frame of mind).
4.) Sometimes a separation is a means of both parties doing some 'soul-searching' / introspecting and hopefully realizing that 'throwing in the towel' and walking away is not necessarily the best option and that just a little effort and time and more giving than taking, with some little sacrifice and there is a stable relationship.
5.) You should always weigh the situation very, very carefully before opting out, because sometimes there is a solution to salvaging marriage, and sometimes being a single woman is even harder than expected. From what I see, your husband needs some counseling. He needs to change his friends and environment. He needs to be introduced to the gatherings and company of the pious and learned and request their duas and advice. He needs to understand that this life is not play and amusement and wasting away health and wealth, when the inevitable is returning and standing before Allah Ta'ala. If he is a Hafez, then he should have at least some understanding of the above and even inclination to reconsider which direction he wants to take in life.
6.) The only thing that keeps hearts united, joined and happy is obedience to Allah Ta'ala and Rasulullah e and of course, it is necessary to give up all sins; otherwise the one heart is in the east and the other heart is in the west, and yet both are living under the same roof. May Allah Ta'ala grant understanding.
7.) Give your marriage a chance. Try working to solve the problem and salvage the marriage; unless the situation is truly hopeless (and there seems to be the potential of change) .
8.) May Allah Ta'ala guide your husband and unite both of you'll in your marriage and make it a lasting and happy one.